IELTS

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English is my native language. So pray tell why has to come to this day that i have to take a language proficiency test? Bollocks. So as to make sure its not a total waste of my time, and because it would be silly to be complacent, I am going to try all the sample test questions one by one. Here are my notes from going through different parts of this paper:

A QUICK GUIDE TO IELTS (ACADEMIC) follows:

Academic Reading sample task – Diagram label completion

Duh. If you get any mistakes here you should be beaten with a stick mercilessly.

Academic Reading sample task – Matching headings

Just go to bed early so you will be fresh and sparkly and alert for this. There is no reason to make ANY mistakes at all in this portion.

Academic Reading sample task – Matching features

Too easy. English speakers should be shot or flogged if any errors are made in this retarded section.

Academic Reading sample task – Identifying writer’s views/claims

Options given:

  • YES if the statement reflects the claims of the writer
  • 
NO 
if the statement contradicts the claims of the writer
  • NOT GIVEN 
if it is impossible to say what the writer thinks about this

So far this is the only tricky one, just remember that the difference between NO is CONTRADICTION, and NOT GIVEN means NO INFORMATION/MENTION. They are not the same thing!!!

Academic Reading sample task – Identifying information

Read carefully. Again, impossible to make mistakes here.

Academic Reading sample task – Table completion

Any retarded person can do this. Do I really have to deign to take this test?

Academic Writing task

Graded on:

  • Task Response
  • Coherence and Cohesion
  • Lexical Resource
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Coherence and Cohesion

This criterion is concerned with the overall clarity and fluency of the message: how the response organises and links information, ideas and language. Coherence refers to the linking of ideas through logical sequencing. Cohesion refers to the varied and appropriate use of cohesive devices (for example, logical connectors, pronouns and conjunctions) to assist in making the conceptual and referential relationships between and within sentences clear.
TRANSLATION: DONT BE RETARDED

Lexical Resource

This criterion refers to the range of vocabulary the candidate has used and the accuracy and appropriacy of that use in terms of the specific task.
TRANSLATION: TIME TO SHOW OFF YOUR RHAPSODIC HYPERBOLIC MARGINALIA!

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

This criterion refers to the range and accurate use of the candidate’s grammatical resource as manifested in the candidate’s writing at sentence level.
TRANSLATION: DONT BE RETARDED AND MAKE SURE YOU CHECK YOUR WORK

Writing Task 1

Academic Writing Task 1 is a writing task which has a defined input and a largely predictable output. It is basically an information­ transfer task which relates narrowly to the factual content of an input diagram and not to speculated explanations that lie outside the given data.
TRANSLATION: QUOTE EXACT FIGURES AND NUMBERS FROM THE GRAPHS, DESCRIBE EVERYTHING PROPERLY

Writing Task 2

Task 2 requires the candidates to formulate and develop a position in relation to a given prompt in the form of a question or statement. Ideas should be supported by evidence, and examples may be drawn from the candidates’ own experience. Responses must be at least 250 words in length.
TRANSLATION: WRITE SIMPLE ARGUMENT, SUPPORT IT WITH EVIDENCE, ADD EXAMPLES FROM EXPERIENCE